


What Everything I Read Says

by YesBothWays



Series: I Am So Okay With It:  Supercorp Stories [2]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-05
Updated: 2017-02-05
Packaged: 2018-09-22 02:43:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9578927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YesBothWays/pseuds/YesBothWays
Summary: The last part of this series focused on Lena and Kara's emotional relationship.  These next two stories will focus on Kara and Lena's physical relationship.  Lena comes to Kara’s place for their first date.  Kara’s odd mix of progressive forwardness and nervousness about sex surfaces.  Lena’s odd history of both jading and transformative experiences regarding her sexuality surfaces.





	

            Lena nearly knocked on Kara’s door, but her hand hung in the air. Instead, she put her hand on Kara’s doorframe. She would have heard her already – seen her even. Sure enough, the door sprang open, and Kara was on the other side wearing her usual clothes and no glasses.

            “I’m early,” Lena said with a smile.

            “Thank every god in every galaxy,” Kara said.

            She reached out to sort of drag Lena inside her apartment. Her arms came around Lean’s neck, and she was spouting off a list of the foods she had ordered, as if that would have been Lena’s very first priority. Kara was so excited that she kept losing her breath and backtracking a little in what she was saying. Lena’s hands pressed to her back, and she laughed a little bit. Kara was nearly bouncing with eagerness. She got Lena some water, and their food came to the door, early than Kara expected it. Lena watched Kara get the dinner she had ordered them all laid out on the table. The massive quantity of dishes made perfect sense now.

            When Kara had asked Lena over to her own place for the first time in the two weeks since Kara had told Lena that she was Supergirl, she had also gotten up her nerve and to ask Lena to come over as a date. Lena's unprepared response had been an instant and enthusiastic yes, clear enough that she was sure Kara could not question what was held in her tone even over the phone. Lena had been relieved not to be reading between the lines. The way they had leaned into one another and touched one another every time no one was looking in the past two weeks made it fairly clear the first chance they got, they would probably be kissing again. Still, Lena had no precedent for how to move through the aftermath of the jarring renegotiation their relationship they had gone through recently.

            The memory of the tense encounter they had during Lena’s last visit felt a thin, cold imprint over the warm and comfortable atmosphere of Kara’s apartment. As the sat and ate, they talked about what had happened in their lives over the few days since they had seen one another. Kara seemed so eager and relieved to be able to talk about her life in one continuous arc without editing out at least half that Lena felt herself soften even more to Kara. There was something commonplace about the flow of their conversation, two loved ones catching each other up on what had happened that had left any affect, staying current on one another, that the strange contents of their lives could not change. By the time they had finished eating, Lena felt more comfortable in this room than she felt in her own condo. She ought to figure out how to make a kindred ease happen in her own home, she realized, though she did not know how. She did not even know this existed before.

            When Lena had finished eating and Kara had decimated everything that was left, Kara got Lena’s hand with a delicate and eager pull to take her to the couch. Kara fluffed the pillows and prepped the couch in a completely unnecessary ritual of preparation, before she let them sit. Lena eased her body down into the couch. She found herself happy to be nestled into the midst of Kara’s life and delighted to see Kara bouncing on the cushions beside her with parallel joy. They were quiet for a minute, as if uncertain what to talk about, now that they were sitting so close and with no table between them.

            “So, tell me something I don’t know about you,” Lena said to Kara.

            Kara thought hard, as she searched out something interesting to share. Lena half expected some silly story to emerge from Kara being a teenager. She felt curious to know everything about Kara as this point. She still knew so little.

            “You know how dogs have such a great sense of smell?” Kara began, taking Lena off guard and almost bringing out a laugh. “My sense of smell is pretty much like that. When we’re in a restaurant, I can smell all the things cooking in the kitchen and all the plates of food around us on other tables. Dogs smell things with more clarity, too. The best analogy I’ve heard is that a dog’s nose can take in a smell and sense all the different smells that make it up, the way a prism breaks a beam of light to reveal all the hidden colors.”

            “So, do you get completely overwhelmed by bad smells?” Lena asked.

            “Nope. It’s just a different way of relating to smell. Like, humans don’t have a great sense of a smell – not to be insulting or anything. They more or less detect whether something is good to eat or not. That’s pretty much all. I’m more like dogs; they don’t really have like ‘smells good’ and ‘smells bad.’ Instead, they have smells that are interesting and smells that are not interesting. Nothing really ever actually stinks to me. Well, maybe like wet paint in a way, because it’s overpowering. No one ever talks about that superpower. I guess it’s just not interesting to the public, because it doesn’t have a thing to do with fighting.”

            “Nerds would love knowing that, surely,” Lena said.

            “You talking about my people?” Kara teased her in mock self-defense.

            “I am your people,” Lena said flatly. “Geek girls come in all forms. Don’t bother me about this or I’ll bore you all night with economic theory and biomechanics.”

            “Be still my heart!” Kara laughed.

            The vividness of Kara’s attraction to Lena came across with the same characteristic candor and kindness as anything else she ever felt. Kara was obviously thinking about kissing her, and Lena moved over towards her, quite blatant in what she was doing. Kara’s face softened into the sweetest, coy grin. Lena brought her hand up, and Kara worked their fingers together softly. They leaned in so slowly that Lena’s mind cleared. The feel of the connection and pull between them captivated her thoughts entirely. The energy felt almost meditative, open and calm. Kara moved to bring their lips together.

As their lips barely began to touch, Lena hitched and shifted back. Kara’s eyes searched Lena’s face once she felt this. Her eyes were big and surprised. She bit her lip, a little timid, wondering what had happened. Lena stared into Kara’s eyes as they appeared this close for the briefest instant.

            “I promised to get your permission first,” Lena said with the softest grin.

            Kara’s eyes softened and nearly closed as she made the biggest grin. She laughed so softly that she barely made a sound. She turned back to Lena.

            “Do I have it?” Lena asked with a teasing grin.

            Kara bit her bottom lip and nodded a bit. Her eyes were so soft, their blue color made dark. Lena found her mind sweeping towards emptying, as she leaned in to let their mouths come together. The kiss came soft but at once created a kind of gravity between them that made it clear even from the start how deeply that simple touch between their bodies was felt by both of them. Lena shifted her legs together on the couch. The touch of Kara’s mouth and even her hand still held in her own could be felt reaching down all the way between them, cutting the trail through some deep place in midst of her stomach. Her hand came to press at the soft place beneath her breastbone to keep herself steady. Their kisses kept on, shifting gracefully from one into the next, and made the room seem so still and everything else in the world feel so remote as if held at a distance from their two bodies.

        Kara let her mouth open softly, and Lena felt the corners of her own mouth wanting to tug into a slight grin. Their tongues brushed in a slow, soft movement, and Lena felt Kara’s breath catch then huff free. At the feel, Lena could not help but kiss Kara a little deeper, with a little more passion, still keeping all of her movements very slow. She had a mind to take days to kiss Kara as thoroughly as was humanly possible. She allowed her fingers to run under the edges of the collar of Kara’s shirt. She traced the lines of her collarbones and along her throat. Kara took Lena by surprise and slid her hands over Lena’s body, as if to feel the entire shape of her under the thin fabric of her shirt. As Kara’s hands passed over Lena’s back, her sides, her stomach, and eventually lingered at her hips before running down over her legs, Lena pulled her close and kissed her deeper. The feel was already enough for Lena to become almost dizzy with the intensity they were creating that seemed strong as a gravity rising from inside to drag her down.

        When their lips parted, Lena found herself a little astonished. She realized she was across Kara’s lap, and Kara’s arms were circled around her and holding her up, otherwise, she would have fallen to the floor. Their odd position made Lena smile. Kara gave her a searching look and grinned when she saw Lena was happy.

Lena looked for a place to brace her hand on the edge of couch to move herself back over Kara. On a second thought, she looked at Kara, then just took her hand and used Kara’s strength to pushed herself back to sit upright. Most of her weight going into Kara’s hand at a weakening angle was not enough to make her hand even budge. Lena sat back, and watched Kara tuck her hair behind her ears. Kara seemed the tiniest bit abashed deep under the surface.   They were quiet for a while. Kara moved back some more and tucked her legs under her. She was still smiling and clearly thinking over something. Lena watched her face, wondering what she would say.

            “Lena, do you – do you maybe want to be my girlfriend?” Kara asked her and lost her breath a little.

            “Hell, yes,” Lean said decisively. She gave Kara a long, steady look, her eyes taking in Kara’s shy and pleased face. “But, also… what does it mean?”

            Kara burst into laughter, her happiness so pure that the sight made Lena ache all over with the most pleasurable form of ache. Kara made an exaggerated, loopy shrug in answer. She turned her body to to lean far back into the couch cushions. Her hands were propped on her stomach.

            “I don’t know,” Kara said, then held up and twisted her open hands. “Hang out, make out, regularly.”

            “Sounds exquisite,” Lena said with the softest of laughs.

            They were quiet for a moment. Kara was looking up and over at Lena’s face. She shifted a little to sit up more.

            “Do you want to go to bed with me sometime?” Kara asked her in a tone so casual, Lena was impressed.

            “Yes,” Lena said, her voice a low and decisive rasp. “Anytime. All the time.”

            Kara smiled at this, but she seemed to grow distracted and slipped into some concentrated thought. Her brows furrowed, and she bit her lip. Lena had no idea what Kara was going to say and almost held her breath as she waited.

            “Should we have like a talk about sex?” Kara said.

            Lena nearly died for what felt about a full minute. She felt absolutely certain from her tone that Kara was thinking about things she had read about sex. She could not even being to explain why that got to her and made her want Kara as bad as this.

            “Cause that’s what everything I read says – that you’re supposed to talk about sex together, you know?” Kara said.

            “Yes,” Lena said and cleared her throat to get her composure. “I’m sure I would be comfortable talking about sex with you. Maybe not with just anybody, but definitely with you.”

            Kara seemed oddly delighted at this statement. She bit her lip. She sort of shimmied in her seat.  

            “I don’t know where to start, though,” Kara said.

            “Plenty of time,” Lena said, then flicked up an eyebrow, “Unless you’re in a rush.”

            Kara very clearly enjoyed Lena’s flirtation. Kara was so sensitive to how other people communicated that she never really missed anything like this. Before things were out in the open between them, however, flirtation seemed to make Kara more nervous than excited. Now, this was reversed.

            “No, I’m not in a rush, per se,” Kara said. “I’m not pushy at all.”

            “I’d say I experience this more as a pull,” Lena said. “A desperate, cosmic kind of a pull.”

            Kara’s phone started ringing. She sat up to reach across the table for it and said it was Alex. Lena nodded to Kara, so she would feel free to go and talk to her sister. Kara got up off the couch and stepped into her kitchen. Lena could hear at once that the situation was not dire and felt relieved. When Kara finally said Lena’s name, she then laughed and said okay several times, then got off the phone. Alex had thrown her off when she realized Lena was there. Kara slipped over the back of the couch and put down her phone before she sat back into the cushions.  

            “So I’m not still in the doghouse with Alex,” Lena said, only surprised.

            “No!” Kara laughed at this. “Why?”

            “A Luthor trying to get close to her sister must be hard for her to take,” Lena said.

            “She likes you, already. I swear. I know she has like a tough exterior to people who don’t know her, but once you’re one of her people, it’s completely different with her.”

            “Clannish,” Lena said. “I know the type. Well, I am the type, really.”

            “We should have hang out sometime, if you’d be into that,” Kara said.

            “Oh, my,” Lena said genuinely overwhelmed by the idea.

            Lena got serious. Kara was still looking at her with an eager and open expression. If Alex was Kara’s sister, they must be alike in some ways. She should not feel her body bristling with tension already at the idea.

            “All right,” Lena said. “But I should warn you that I don’t know how to do family as part of a relationship. The very idea makes me nervous.”

            “Oh, I guess that makes sense,” Kara said with conviction and lost herself in concentration trying to imagine better how Lena felt. She must have come up short, because she openly asked, “What was it like for you with your family?”

            “Oh, Lord,” Lena said, overwhelmed by the open-ended question. “I don’t think I could even explain.”

            “I mean, were they supportive of your relationships?” Kara said.

            Lena just laughed. She assumed for an instant that Kara was joking. Her eyebrows lifted, as she saw Kara trying to understand what the laughter meant. Lena shook her head a little.

            “They were a nightmare,” Lena said.

            “How so?” Kara asked, a crinkle forming between her brows.

            “That’s rather hard to explain,” Lena answered honestly.  

           Kara kept waiting. Her face held such curiosity and candor that Lena felt compelled to try and make her some kind of answer. She laughed once more, an empty sound this time.

            “On the day that I finally came out and told them that I was in love with a woman, they told me that I had been adopted,” Lena said.

            “What?” Kara said, thrown and a little aghast,

            Kara stared at Lena’s neutral expression. Her brows knitted in a kind of anger. Her eyes kept darting over Lena’s face, searching for some explanation. Lena did not have one and made a kind of miserable shrug.

            “Why would they do that? You were basically coming out to them. I mean, you were already overwhelmed. That just seems… so brutal,” Kara said, seeming at once angry and confused.

            “Yes, they presented the information as if their choice wasn’t related to what I had said. A way of disassociating themselves from me without saying as much,” Lena said.

            “That so horrifying. I mean, I don’t mean to make you feel worse. But how could there be an explanation for that?” Kara said.

            “Honestly, it’s a relief to me anytime someone reacts so strongly to hearing about things they’ve done. Nothing was ever direct with them, never straight at you. They’d find subtle ways to make you pay while making you think that what they were doing to you was all in your head. It took me a long time not to let their games work on me, and it helps me when other people see their behaviors as a shock. They present it all as being so normal. I really believed that I was the messed up one for a really long time. You know, the one who would grow overly sensitive and irrational.”

            “Lena, I am so sorry,” Kara said with conviction.

            Lena smiled at her, slow and soft. Anyone else would have gotten a hard shoulder and a castoff of their pity. Kara meant this so genuinely, Lena felt a warmth stir in her chest along with a little pang of self-empathy.

            “Who was she?” Kara asked.

            Lena tilted her head a bit, unsure for a moment what Kara meant.

            “The girl?” Kara said.

            “Oh,” Lena responded in surprise.

            Even now, all these years later, Kara was thinking along the lines of what Lena’s family should have been thinking about then. They had never gotten to know anyone Lena was close with in life, which was lucky in a way. They acted as if they already knew all about them from afar, knew they were inferior. That kind of shielded those people from Lena’s family, even though it created a triangulation that made her behaviors seem very strange to other people close to her.

            “Her name was Elise,” Lena explained, uncertain of what to say. “We went to boarding school together for a couple of years.”

            “What happened?” Kara asked. “Between you, I mean?”

            Lena thought of how to explain. They were in love. They rebelled furiously against their rich, wretched families. They had tons of very tentative then wildly passionate sex. They drank far too much and took a lot of ecstasy. And they fought without ever knowing what they were fighting about, until they had hurt one another badly enough that they could not bear to even one more fight, so they broke up.

            “We were together for a couple of years, and then we broke up. We were messes both of us and totally unable to sustain anything healthy between us,” Lena said.  

            “Do you keep in touch?” Kara asked.

            “No,” Lena said, “The last I saw her, she made it clear she was straight and dismissed our entire relationship. She was also very much addicted to cocaine.”

            “That is so sad,” Kara said.

            “Yeah, I guess it is. I think I spent so much emotion on this when I was younger that there’s just not much left in me, anymore. I wouldn’t take our relationship back, not for anything. She got me away from my family, and I got her away from hers. Even if she went back to hers in the end, I have to think those years did count for something. I do wish we had known how to break up sooner, but no one could have convinced me back then. I was so young, you know. I thought that if I loved her, and she loved me, that was just a miracle that would overcome absolutely everything. I have thought before that maybe it was all just some confusion, but then I remember how it was when we were alone together, and, well – I mean, I won’t be persuaded to disregard it all. But it’s not really for me to say what it was, in the end. Everyone has to decide who they are,” Lena said.

            Kara’s expression remained deeply saddened by this idea, even though she was thinking about someone she had never met. Lena felt suddenly exhausted and had to make a deep yawn that she hid behind her hand. She blinked her eyes to wake up once more. Saying even this little bit about Elise made her exhausted all at once. She ignored her response mostly, knowing that this wave of tiredness would pass as quickly as it came.    

            “Have you had lots of girlfriends?” Kara asked.

            “No,” Lena said with a soft huff of laughter. “Just a few.”

            “What about boyfriends?” Kara asked.

            “Only when I was really young and not very good ones, admittedly,” Lena said. “How about you?”

            “I don’t know if I’ve ever really dated anyone like fully,” Kara said.

            “Have you been in love?” Lena asked.

            “Oh, I don’t know about all that,” Kara said.

            Lena thought of letting her dodge out. She felt curious enough to try more. She did not want to pry but wanted to at least nudge.

            “That’s decidedly noncommittal,” Lena said.

            “I mean, I thought that I had been before, but it was so different from how I feel now,” Kara said. “More like being in love with an idea than a whole person.”

            Lena felt a little thrill over the indirect reference to herself she heard in there. She tried to keep her thoughts on point. She was just getting used to the idea of having Kara’s love and her passion along with it.

            “How was the physical side of things?” Lena asked.

            Kara made her a shrug.

            “Was there physical stuff?” Lena asked, suddenly skeptical.

            Her question came from how intensely physical and responsive Kara seemed to her tonight. That compared so strangely to Kara’s blasé response. At her question, however, Kara went tense all over.  

            “I’ve – I’ve kissed boys!” Kara said in a huff of great indignation.

            Lena might have been cracked up at Kara’s incredulity at another time. But she got a distinct, sensitive vibe from Kara. She reached out to touch her knee to try to make peace.

            “I am not making fun of you, Kara!” Lena clarified.

            Kara’s brows were still furrowed. She considered Lena’s face and saw how genuine this was. She reached up to adjust her glasses, but they were not there. She softened only slowly.

            “Was it good?” Lena asked.

            Kara smiled a little at Lena’s curious expression. Lena bit her bottom. She waited.

            “Some. Some was,” Kara said with a nod. “Some was just awkward and weird. Humans should try to explain tongue kissing a lot better to each other.”

            “Why’s that?” Lena asked with a deep chuckle.

            “I thought it was terrible – this sloppy, invasive mess. I hated it, until someone did it with me the right way,” Kara said. “Then it was pretty much _the_ best thing _ever._ ”

            “Well,” Lena said with a heavier huff of a laugh, “I suppose it might help if someone simply wrote a manual to explain to men that sex isn’t just putting things into things.”

            Kara made a strained mouth and a queasy sound. She obviously agreed with this and did not like the thought. Lena made a shrug with only one shoulder.

            “How was sex?” Lena asked so softly that Kara could easily have avoided answering her if she wished.  

            “Um, I…” Kara said and shifted in her seat, defensive still and awkward, “I don’t know… about that.”

            Lena considered Kara for a long moment. She tried to track back to when the tone of this slipped. The whole tone started out fun. Kara seemed to be thinking the same thing. She laughed softly.

            “Oh, man,” Kara said. “I mean for this to be light, you know? This should totally be a fun conversation.”

            “I probably should have steered us clear of any talk about my family, then,” Lena said.

            “No, I just… I think I derailed us, maybe. I was kind of trying to bail, I think,” Kara said.

            “Well, we could begin again,” Lena said, “Talk about the sex that we are going to have. That should make it fun”

            Lena leaned over and came back. She gave Kara the most flirtatious face she could muster. Kara did smile, but she kept her eyes turned down. She had grown abashed.

            “I’m never going to be normal when it comes to sex,” Kara said.

“Okay,” Lena said. “Tell me what you mean. Only if you’re willing.”

            “No one can ever touch me inside,” Kara said in a bit of a rush.

            Her words were sharp, intense, stilted by her discomfort. Lena took careful notice of that. She had never heard Kara’s tone quite like this before. Kara’s eyes were squinted, and she was looking away from Lena. Lena could not quite gather her thoughts on what she meant.

            “What do you mean?” Lena had to question her as gently as she could manage.

            “The muscles inside,” Kara said. “I can’t control those fully. I mean I can at first. I’ve tried to learn. When things get really heated though, they will contract involuntarily. I can’t prevent that from happening,” Kara said.

            “That is what an orgasm is, essentially,” Lena said with an open gesture of her hand, comprehending this fully now, and Kara nodded at her. “So when they clench full force on their own that would hurt someone?”

            “Break,” Kara corrected Lena with severity. “Break.”

            Kara clearly felt this confession to be a heavy one. She seemed to be trying not to eye Lena for her response and completely failing. Lena’s eyebrows furrowed in deep consideration. She shifted her weight casually. She tried to find the right words to say at first and then gave up.

            “But you can touch inside?” Lena asked to clarify.

            Kara looked at Lena. She seemed a bit perplexed. She had misunderstood.

            “Well, yeah. I can touch someone. I have control of everything else,” Kara said.

            “No, I mean, you – you can touch you inside,” Lena said.

            The side of Kara mouth went up in a shy kind of concession. Lena’s eyebrows lifted, and she could not help but smile and bite her bottom lip at this idea. Kara could see Lena’s thoughts written plainly on her face. She blushed and laughed. Lena grinned and remained poised.

            “What about a sex toy?” Lena went on.

            Kara looked up at her, incredulous. A little laugh erupted in her chest that left her grinning. She turned her face down than looked abashedly back at Lena, who smiled back at her, waiting. Lena was glad that Kara was letting her make light of this situation. She seemed almost ready to fight with Lena instead at the first.

            “What would it be made of? Diamond?” Kara said.

            “No!’ Leana said. “Something soft. Something that would be able take your shape when your body does contract and come back into its own form.”

            “Oh,” Kara said clearly having never thought of this.

Kara sat and considered this idea fully. Lena nearly shook her head. She did not really see how something like this could ever be a big deal. But, then, she had felt like a freak about sex her entire early life, until she found a way to relate to sex that she liked that did not seem to have much to do with what anyone else was doing. This was the sort of thing that anybody would think about and get hung up on, especially someone with Kara’s particular mix of unwilled insecurities.

            Kara took a deep breath. She seemed surprised by how this conversation had gone and more relaxed. Lena waited for what felt a long moment. Then she realized that Kara must not have anything else to tell her. Lena could not help but laugh and poked at Kara’s side.

            “Is that truly all?” Lena said.

            Kara smiled, and her face was both coy and affirming. She made a tiny shrug of concession. Lena felt herself grow naughty all of a sudden. She slid down beside Kara and put her arms around Kara’s waist. She knew that Kara allowed the gentle pressure she used to topple her over into Lena’s legs.

            “So you’re not going to get me pregnant or something?” Lena said.

            “Ew, Lena, gross,” Kara managed.

            “You just made it all sound like it would be so dire and strange,” Lena joked.

            “I could never be normal,” Kara said.

            Kara’s voice came light. Still, the repeated words held such gravity. They gave Lena pause. She sat up and became serious.

            “Granted, I am skeptical that even exists, but I am quite certain that normal is simply not something worth wanting to be. Besides, you have to be a total freak if you want to be with me,” Lena said.  

            Kara opened her mouth wide in fake shock at the naughtiness implied by Lena’s comment. Lena’s eyebrows were sharp, as she leaned all the way over to Kara to get a kiss. Kara brought her mouth up to Lena’s. That settled all the tension in the room right down. They were smiling and pulling at each other within a minute. Kara sat up beside her again. Lena gripped Kara’s shirt. She pushed her, and Kara let Lena lay her back fully onto the couch. She climbed over Kara, careful even though consciously she knew she did not have to be.

            “Let’s make out for an hour or so and then talk some more,” Lena said.

            “Yes!” Kara responded and dragged Lena with a little, eager tug fully onto herself and into a kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to chat me up on here or as YesBothWays on Tumblr. I'm always excited to talk with folks about these characters, wlw stories, tropes, the creative process, life things, and such like!


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